An ode to plane travellers.

This was penned today after suffering all of the below on the first three of my four flights home.

Its not going to win any poetry awards but my spleen has at least been vented.


An ode to travellers.

Just how many signs are required
To tell you to take off your coat
Even Stevie Wonder would see it
But not you, you ignorant goat

Your belt, it needs to come off
Not here, for gods sake, back there
Right where the sign indeed told you
So yes, I WILL tut and stare.

Your laptop is still in your bag?
Do you do it out of spite?
Why think of the others behind you?
No matter if they miss their flight.

Please have all passports ready
And open on the right page
The signs and the speakers all say it
It surely can’t take an age?

So a very big thanking you kindly
To the twat stood in front of me here
Who’s rustling about in his pockets
As my plane’s ready to disappear

A wonderful thing is a ticket
Some numbers, a letter, all good,
Its even marked on the plane body
So ffs sit where you should.

You may be attached to that person
She’s pretty as pretty can be
But if your ticket says 27A
Dont bloody sit in 14C

Its not such a difficult concept
Its really quite simple and fine
Put your butt in the seat it belongs
And we’ll get to the far end on time.

Economy’s a nasty place
The seats are rather grim
But 9 elbow jabs into my ribs
Make your survival chances slim

You have the middle seat, my friend,
Thats just how life sometimes goes
This means that your legs aren’t welcome
When they’re stamping on top of my toes

We’re only aloft for an hour
No time at all for a chap,
You’re only just five feet tall,
Please don’t move into my lap

Hand luggage, I hear you tell me
Just how big are your bloody hands
I’ve seen smaller jumbo cases, full
With instruments of entire brass bands

Its not going to fit up above you
Nor under the seat to your front
So next time you travel, be smarter
And stop being so much of a silly billy.


About bobleponge216

Elderly rotund toothless male seeks wilderness to travel to.
This entry was posted in Travel. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to An ode to plane travellers.

  1. Nicely put, Sir; and it all rhymes, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. dpnoble says:

    As a frequent flyer ( thankfully no longer consigned to the back of the bus) I recognise pretty much all of that. I’ve more tales to tell than will fit here, but the one that still makes me smile is the woman who told me to stop trying to force my very slim laptop bag into an overhead locker that was stuffed full of her luggage – the stewardess soon sorted her out and consigned her oversize hand luggage to the hold – and then moved me to business class! Then there was the born again southern baptist preacher ….. but enough for now! Nice post!


    • Thanks. It depends who pays as to where I sit, yesterday was my pocket so I turned right.
      Like you, I have stories upon stories. One time, again at Casa, a bloke in front of me, sharp suit, on the phone, blah blah, “Multi million dollar contract,blah blah, sack him if he’s not competent, blah blah, results not excuses blah blah, he handed his boarding card over to the woman without really looking, far too important on the phone, to which she replied “Sir, This is the Royal Air Maroc flight to Toulouse, you require the Emirates flight to Dubai, which left 20 minutes ago. I properly belly laughed.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jo Roberts says:

    Couldn’t agree more..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Writing by Di Drinkwater and commented:
    The problems with flying…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s