This was penned today after suffering all of the below on the first three of my four flights home.
Its not going to win any poetry awards but my spleen has at least been vented.
An ode to travellers.
Just how many signs are required
To tell you to take off your coat
Even Stevie Wonder would see it
But not you, you ignorant goat
Your belt, it needs to come off
Not here, for gods sake, back there
Right where the sign indeed told you
So yes, I WILL tut and stare.
Your laptop is still in your bag?
Do you do it out of spite?
Why think of the others behind you?
No matter if they miss their flight.
Please have all passports ready
And open on the right page
The signs and the speakers all say it
It surely can’t take an age?
So a very big thanking you kindly
To the twat stood in front of me here
Who’s rustling about in his pockets
As my plane’s ready to disappear
A wonderful thing is a ticket
Some numbers, a letter, all good,
Its even marked on the plane body
So ffs sit where you should.
You may be attached to that person
She’s pretty as pretty can be
But if your ticket says 27A
Dont bloody sit in 14C
Its not such a difficult concept
Its really quite simple and fine
Put your butt in the seat it belongs
And we’ll get to the far end on time.
Economy’s a nasty place
The seats are rather grim
But 9 elbow jabs into my ribs
Make your survival chances slim
You have the middle seat, my friend,
Thats just how life sometimes goes
This means that your legs aren’t welcome
When they’re stamping on top of my toes
We’re only aloft for an hour
No time at all for a chap,
You’re only just five feet tall,
Please don’t move into my lap
Hand luggage, I hear you tell me
Just how big are your bloody hands
I’ve seen smaller jumbo cases, full
With instruments of entire brass bands
Its not going to fit up above you
Nor under the seat to your front
So next time you travel, be smarter
And stop being so much of a silly billy.